Catch Me
by slothsaregood
Summary: After Rachel leaves for New York, she and Finn never speak. So what will happen when Rachel Berry meets Finn Hudson again after 6 years, when she should be at her saddest with her small, upset family
1. Kiss Me Quick, But Make It Last

**This is my first fanfiction.**

**What happens when Rachel meets Finn 6 years after S3E22?**

**I hope you like it:D**

I came home treated to silence. Usually, the minute I open the door I'm smothered with hugs and kisses, but today it was silent. I walked further in to the apartment I lived in, expecting to get jumped on then have kisses placed all over my cheeks but there was nothing. I heard the tv playing the end credits to toy story, so I scanned my eyes over to the coach and their lay my whole world. There was still decorations up all around the house saying 'happy 5th birthday' and the bin was filled up with used wrapping paper and cake cases, the whole apartment need to be cleaned but the view in front of my eyes was perfect.

I, Rachel Barbra Berry, made it to New York. I moved straight after school when Finn put me on the train. I cried for about a week but, unlike high school, I made a lot of friends quickly. With in the first couple of days of being in New York, I'd made a group of friends who lived in the same dorm building as me and also went to NYADA. Although, I made it there my idea of life after high school wasn't the same. After living there for nearly 6 years, I still hadn't made broadway, and now worked in a school as a music teacher. I stopped trying for broadway not long after moving to New York, and even though 16 year old Rachel Berry would be attacking me and telling my life is ruined, I wouldn't change it for the world.

On the coach lay my 2 beautiful sons and fiancé. My oldest son was Jake Christopher. He had turned 5 years old 2 days before. Whoever saw him told me he was my carbon copy without the nose but if he was, then my features suited him 10 times more than they did me. He was perfect. He had big, deep chocolate eyes and had my big mouth that held huge smiles and constant words being poured from it. His hair was thick and brown and curled at the ends. My youngest was Riley Liam. He was 2 years old and also looked alike to me, but had shared features from his father. He had my big, brown eyes but his dad's nose and smile. In between both of them lay my fiancé. His usually neat, pushed back hair was messed up on his face. I guessed my two boys had done this during the day. He moved slightly in his sleep so I leant down to touch his cheek and found that he was warm. I then touched Jake and Riley's to find they were too and removed the blanket. Jake was still dressed in the clothes he wore for school; a pair of light blue washed down jeans and a comfortable white polo but has discarded his blue and brown patterned jumper. Riley was in nothing but a baggy tractor top and his diaper. I leaned down and shook my fiancé slightly trying to wake him up, but he refused. I whispered his name in to his ear yet still there was no response. So I pressed a light kiss to mouth, deepening it gradually hoping for him to kiss back. After a few seconds of realisation, he did deepen the kiss and when I pulled away he smirked.

"Hey sleepy head," I said quietly, looking down at him.

He readjusted the way he was lay by unhooking his arms from behind the boys and moving so he was more upright. "Hey baby," he replied softy in his still sleepy, deep voice. A sat down on his lap and he grazed his fingers up and down my leg.

"I see my boys are asleep, eh?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, they went off just when I put the film in," he said.

"And what about you? Did you enjoy watching Toy Story?"

"I know it off by heart the amount of times these watch it, so I fell asleep just after. It's a great film don't get me wrong," he said checking that Jake was still fast asleep. I then straddled his lap as he pulled my face down to kiss him, darting his tongue in straight away. I pulled away when I remembered that I had came home late and it was about 7 o'clock.

"So, did you make them some food before they went to sleep," I asked, expecting the answer to be yes and then him to go on and tell me what he had made, but he looked up at me with stone eyes.

"No, they fell asleep at like half 4, 5 o'clock and I wasn't hungry so I thought I'd wait for you to cook something up when you got home, eh" he replied. I stood up straight away and looked down at him.

"Joseph!" I shouted, "they'll be starving when they wake up and they won't have time to digest it and will be more at risk for having an accident."

"They can like hurt themselves if they don't digest their food properly," Joe said seriously and worriedly as he stood up and followed.

"No Joe, I meant weeing the bed!" I said loudly to let him know I was annoyed as a stomped off in to the kitchen to cook them some pizza or something. As I was searching through the freezer to find some food to eat that was quick to cook I heard Joe follow me.

"Oh, well Riley L has a diaper," he said. The amount of times I told him I didn't like the children being called by their first names and part of the middle name was uncountable yet he still did it. I felt it just made our sons sound common and cheap.

"Well, you know Jake has been having a few issues," I said flatly.

"He has! That dude needs to grow up a bit; I mean he's in school now. We need to make him tougher, that's what my dad did to me and look how I've turned out. Jake Chrissy could be a mini-me" I made a mental note to never let Joe 'toughen' up my sons because I wanted them to be nothing like their father when they grow up. They will be smart, caring, perfect men.

"Just move Joe whilst I make our children some tea which you obviously couldn't be bothered doing!"

"I'm just going toilet," he replied in defeat.

I put the pizzas, which I had found in, to the oven and set them up to be cooked. I also made myself a coffee and had a chocolate biscuit from the jar. When I fell pregnant with Jake, I ended my vegan lifestyle so I could take in enough vitamins and protein to keep my baby healthy. When he was born, I never went back.

After I ate the biscuit and drank half of my drink I could feel someone's presence behind me. I turned around to see Joe leaning against the kitchen doorframe wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. He always did this to me when I was angry, walked round wearing next to nothing to try and turn me on and forget about it. Up until about a year ago I had a hard time not following his ideas but now it was second nature to me. He is a very good-looking man. He has dark brown hair that when he's out he pushes up and to the side making sure each strand are perfect and heavily covered in hairspray. It reminded me of a somehow neater Kurt Hummel's hair just before we left school. His hair was now messed up and naturally flopped to the side because he knew I preferred his hair natural. He kept running his fingers through it, pushing it of his forehead. If someone asked me what my pride and joy was, I would without a doubt say my two beautiful sons yet I'm 99.9% sure Joe would say his hair. He also always has a completely shaven face and minimum body hair a man can have whilst still looking very manly. His body is what people consider perfect. He's has quite a high 6ft structure yet his feet are only size 9 so he looks like a male model with all good features and none bad. Most tall men have big hobbit feet and he is one of the only people I know who doesn't. I personally think his feet look too small for his body and used to think Finn was in good proportion as he was 6ft 3in and had size 12 feet. I never really compare Joe to Finn but as Finn is the only over tall man whom I happen to know the foot size of, I compared them on this. Joe is also very muscular. He has very toned legs and has a 6 pack and abs. This really doesn't do anything to me but most other girls world find this wildly attractive. He skin is also always tanned, most people would think it was natural but being his fiancé and mother of his children I know it's fake.

Joe was the first person I ever met in New York. He was attractive and nice and there for me when I needed someone. I was heartbroken over loosing Finn for what I knew was for good and needed someone. When we first starting talking on my second day of being in New York he saw me crying and comforted me. A week passed and we had grown closer and in Joe's company I started to think less about Finn and more about me. He also introduced me to his friends in which some of the people who I'm closest to now where there; Cassie, Megan, Emma, Jack, Bryan, Marcus, Liam, and a bunch of other people I met through him. He was Mr Popular out of them all so being his friend meant everyone liked me. I was also the only one who didn't call him Joey and I still refuse to call it him. I started to change to fit in; wearing more make-up, different clothes but I finally had real friends who were there for me.

A week later, I had slept with Joe. A month after I found out I was pregnant. Joe told me he'd be there for me but I had to be truthful so told him there was also a chance it could be my high school sweethearts as he called Finn, my ex-fiancé's who I still madly loved but he had left me heartbroken. Yet he still said he'll stand by me. After 2 more months I realised due to the amount of time my pregnant self was spending round Joe that we had slipped in to a relationship. By then I had already made real friends who didn't want me to change and realised if I'd waited a couple months later till I tried to fit in, I wouldn't be pregnant now, but being pregnant turned out to be one of the best things in my life.

I then had Jake and on his first birthday, Joe proposed. I didn't want to say yes but I didn't want to be alone so I agreed to marry this man but said I wanted to wait a while before we did so, until Jake was a little older. We waited till Jake was 2 and a half before Joe started to beg us to consider the wedding but before we could talk about it the universe gave me another surprise and I fell pregnant with Riley. Since then me and Joe would have constant arguments as he never grew up from his young popular player self that had two children.

"You know a normal wife would ask how my day's been instead of biting my head off," he said smugly from the door.

"I'm not you're wife," I answered sharply.

"You could be by the end of this year if you don't end up popping another crying mess out," he said trying to playfully hit my ass. I gave him a glare and carried on my own business. "Oh shit, don't tell me your pregnant again Rach! I mean, I can't have 3 kids before I'm even 25."

"No, I'm not pregnant Joseph Lighton!" I snapped again.

"Well that's good Rachy Beary," he said. I cringed at the ridiculous nickname. Nearly 6 years on and still only one person could give me a nickname I hated and that person wasn't Joe. "So, a normal fiancé soon-to-be wife would ask how's my day been?"

"Fine Joe, how's your day been," I said angrily and shortly. I don't even know why I was so mad.

"Ok I suppose, we had this guy come in today. Trying to get signed to the company as a footballer. A quarterback. He was pretty good, well really good. The only hesitation was that he's 24 and we're looking for younger meat. We need to make a decision by the meeting tonight a Grahams. Should tell your friends to look out for him if we do sign him, he's pretty hot for a sweaty 24 year old guy." Joe was a sports business man and looked for new players and sports gear to be bought.

"Oh yeah, what's this pretty hot, sweaty, 24 year old guy called?" I said purposely mocking him.

"Finn Hudson, from Ohio," he answered innocently. My face drained of colour and I stood in our kitchen as still as anything like a traumatised ghost. "I know, Finn Hudson huh. Sounds like a male stripper name to me. Maybe he is on the sidelines to football but you know…"

"I'm most definite Finn Hudson isn't a stripper," I cut him off.

"And how would you…"

"I used to know Finn Hudson, he's not much of a stripper type of guy."

"How do you know him?" he asked, eyes bugging out. I let him finish this sentence, as I mentally kicked myself for letting him know I knew Finn Hudson and tried to come up with words to describe our old relationship.

I sighed, "do you remember the high school sweetheart who split up with me so I could come here?" He nodded trying to tie the two pieces together. One thing about Joe is that he wasn't the cleverest or quickest bunny ever. "Well, that was Finn Hudson," I said quietly.

"What?!" He answered quickly. "I can't sign him now, fucksake!"

"Why? If he's still a good footballer…"

"I can't let him near you Rachel."

"Finn Hudson doesn't bother me anymore, we ended a long time ago. You, and me we are here together, have two perfect children. Plus, I love you" I lied about the last past. I knew that I never loved Joseph Alfred Lighton and it was just a physical attraction to him when we first met.

"One of our perfect children could be his," he exclaimed, clearly annoyed.

"Just give him a chance ok? He's a good footballer and deserves a chance to be known for it. He's always been good." I wanted to say so much more about Finn Hudson and praise him but I knew that wouldn't end well.

"Ok then. I'll go to Grahams in a minute for this meeting and give him a chance. I'll need to give him my number and address so you think you can cope with seeing him?"

"Yes Joe, I'm a grown women."

"I'll give him the heads up you're off the market tonight when I see him that way I'll be making his football dreams come true but his relationship dreams come tumbling down."

"Ok Joe, do you need food?"

"I'm ok, I'll get changed then pick up something on the way," he said as he walked to our room and put on a suit. I went to the main room and woke up my sleeping boys, telling them tea is ready.

As Jake, Riley and I were eating tea, Joe slipped out of our room telling us had to go. He said his goodbyes before storming away and leaving the room. The boys and me then watched toy story again, Jake talking along to it and Riley falling asleep half way through. We then put on toy story 2 but Jake fell asleep near the beginning so I changed back to normal tv and watched the tv shows I had missed during the week.

At 10:16 I got a text of Joe saying he was on his way home.

He never came home.

******Disclaimer - I don't own Glee or anything else mentioned in this story**  



	2. Wide Awake and So Confused

**Sorry there was only talk of Finn in the last chapter, but he's in this one:D**

It was still so strange with him not being around.

It had been a week. A week since I lost my fiancé, the father of my children.

I had to act strong, like I was fine but really, I wasn't. I know we had been having problems, Joe and I, but still he was the person I had been closest to for 6 years. My rock of support since I'd moved to New York. Gone. All because one stupid man driving when he was as drunk as anything.

He was driving home from his meeting and was at the cross road about 10 minutes away from our apartment when a car sped out and took out his car, driving away before he was caught but it was a busy Friday night in New York City so of course it was crowded. Someone took his registration plate and hopefully the police will find him, the guy who killed my fiancé.

An ambulance turned up less then minutes later thanks to a nice man who phone them and followed the ambulance to the hospital to make sure he was ok. It was too late.

By the time they got to the hospital he was gone.

The minute I got the phone call, I ran in to Jake and Riley's room, scooping up a sleeping Riley and tapping Jake's shoulder to wake him. He was always a deep sleeper, unlike Riley, which for once I wasn't fortunate for. We had to hurry up and Jake wouldn't wake up. He was still quite small for a 5 year old boy but I couldn't carry both him and Riley at the same time.

I had to shake him like mad for him to eventually wake up but when he did, I told him that his Daddy was poorly so we had to go and see him. He scrambled to put on his coat and shoes that I had gave to him as I put Riley's thick coat on him. My baby boy started to stir in my arms so I tried to shush him and put him back to sleep. I couldn't cope with my sleepy, mummy like 5 year old, injured fiancé and crying, awake 2 year old. I then slipped on my shoes and coat and all three of us made a move out of the house.

Jake was wearing his pirate pyjamas and his blue coat and blue vans with some pick red and white striped bed socks on underneath. I had also told him to put a light blue, fluffy blanket from his bed around his shoulders so he could keep warm and use it to cuddle in the hospital. Riley had a green, monster print onesie on with big blue bed socks and his smaller version of the blue coat Jake had. I had also wrapped him up in a blue blanket whilst running down the flights of stairs.

Luckily, I managed to hail a taxi pretty quick and slid in with the boys. We made it to the hospital 13 minutes after we got the call from the ambulance. We were too late.

When we got there, I jumped out the taxi, still holding a sleeping Riley, and grabbed Jake's hand, running as fast as his little legs would let him. I got out and breathlessly asked for Joseph Lighton's room. I was more breathless with worry than tiredness. They asked for my relationship to him so I said fiancé and mother of his children. They then pointed to a corridor and told me to speak to his doctor, giving me a sad, guilty look.

I practically ran down the corridor, still with my children and saw Joe's doctor. He gave me the same sad, guilty look as the receptionist and told me to sit down. I made Jake sit down on the seat to my left and placed Riley who was now beginning to wake again on the seat to my right.

"I really don't want to have to say this but I do," he said looking at me with big eyes. "Your fiancé, Joseph Michael Lighton, sadly passed away 7 minutes ago." I gulped, tears already making an appearance in my eyes. "We found him in a car on Jubilee cross street. A witness said a swerving car hit the side of his, the man in the other car appeared to be drunk. They got the registration plate and an ambulance was phoned. By the time we got there, his pulse was very slow. After the journey to the hospital, he passed away due to internal bleeding. I'm so very sorry for yours and your sons loss," the doctor said, nodding at me. "You can see him if you want, whenever you're ready, and can use our phone to phone whoever you may need too."

I nodded yes in response and looked at my two, now awake, sons realising they didn't understand a word the doctor just said.

"Where's daddy, mummy? Is he still hurt?" Jake asked from next to me.

I just shook my head and bit my lip to stop the tears from overflowing.

"Where is he then, mummy?" he asked again. His sweet innocent voice making me just want to scream and cry.

I picked up Riley and held him on my lap, looking between my two children. "Daddy hurt himself a lot tonight," I said. I thought the hardest conversation of my life either was having to tell Joe I'm pregnant and it could be his or my ex-fiancé's or telling my fathers the same thing. That all their efforts for me to be a star was gone but now this over took those two things by far. Telling my two perfect, innocent sons that they would never see their daddy again. "He hurt himself so much that the angels tried to make him better but they couldn't. So to stop daddy hurting, they took him to live with them. In the sky with the clouds and the stars. So we might not see daddy for a long time, but he's not hurting anymore. Him and the angels are very happy and he'll always be looking down on you two and loving you so so much."

"Mummy, I want to see daddy again," Jake said. I could hear the tears forming as he spoke and I wrapped my arm around him tightly squeezing him.

"He'd just want you two to smile because he's ok and if you get upset for missing him, he'll think you are being silly because he's happy up there and loves you both."

"But I want daddy," Jake said, tears flowing down he small, perfect face. I kissed his head.

Riley learnt forward, trying to cuddle his older brother saying "dada" over and over again. They didn't deserve to cry, to be upset. I kept kissing them telling them it will be ok, that they'll be ok, they have me, but if I can't even believe myself how can I expect them to do the same thing. 

It has been a week now, and I'm still a wreck. I feel horrible. Every time I see Jake or Riley I'm just reminded about Joe. To make things worse, I don't think I'm mourning the loss of my fiancé; I'm mourning my sons' father. My two children now have to grow up without their dad. He's supposed to be their role model and now they don't have one. I grew up without a mother and it hurt me in more ways than one, but I never had memories of her to refer to, whilst Jake and Riley do.

However much Joe annoyed me, he was a good man and good dad. He didn't deserve to go.

Several old college friends have come to see the boys and me. I know they're trying to help and comfort me, but they were all just friends of Joe, so really they don't care about us, they just want to mourn him. Joe's parents have been round to visit too. They're arranging the funeral because really, I emotionally couldn't single handily raise to crying, upset children and give the Joe the perfect send off he deserves. They're here for the boys too, not me. They never liked me. They also told me how I burdened Joe's life with children and ruined it but they never admitted it to Joe so I'd usually ignore them when they came to visit.

The funeral's in 3 days. They've invited all his childhood friends, family, college friends, work mates and I even convinced them to allow my parents to come to support me. I did want my old, high school real friends to be there for me, but I haven't seen them for 6 years and none of them knew about Joe, Jake or Riley so I can't invite them. I have 3 days to emotionally prepare myself to say goodbye one last time. To act like a strong mother in front of everyone. To make sure I don't crumble.

It's 7 o'clock and the boys are sleeping. They keep waking up during the night crying for Joe, especially Riley. I think Jake understands that he's in a better place, but Riley's too young to understand.

Joe's parents told me they'll be stopping over to pick the boys up at 11 o'clock the following day so I can have a me day and to help take the boys mind off the funeral in the next couple of days. So when someone knocked on the door, it confused the hell out of me.

I through my hair in to a pony tail and pulled on a baggy jumper over my leggings and vest top. I walked to the door slowly, but still wanting to know who was behind it. I knew I looked a mess; to be fair I think a 24 year old women with two fatherless children doesn't have to look perfect. I looked at the floor, hiding my red face and opened the door hiding behind it slightly.

"Erm, hi," I heard someone say. I didn't need to think before I knew who it was. That same voice was the voice that used to whisper how much he loved me 6 years ago, the voice that asked me to marry him, the voice that set me free.

"Finn?" I said as I looked up, questioning my own ears yet here he stood in front of me. He looked older; he'd matured a lot. His hair was slightly shorter at the sides, slightly longer on the top. It was also styled better, instead of just pushed up messily. He baby face had matured slightly too. His late teenage puppy fat had turned in to pure muscle. His old clean-shaven face had a slight bit of scruff on. It suited him. He looked grown up. He was so different, yet the same 16 year old boy stood in front of me.

He was wearing a black jacket that wasn't zipped up fully so she could see the top of his white t-shirt. It had black writing on but she couldn't read it. He wore black jeans that were really tight and piled slightly at the bottom, resting on his black nike shoes with a white tick on them.

"Hey," he said quietly. He looked me in the eye; that sad look I was given too much drew across his face. "I'm so sorry about your loss, Rach. Joe, erm, signed me at that meeting the night he, you know. He gave me business cards and told me he was your fiancé and knew we knew each other and I just couldn't let what happened happen without seeing you and telling you how sorry I am. You don't deserve this Rach, you deserve to be happy."

And for the first time since Joe's death, she let herself talk about it and cry because, for once, someone had came to see her and make sure she was ok. She threw herself in to his arms and cried in to his shirt, as if all the 6 years they haven't saw each was forgotten. Inbetween cries, she choked out how bad she felt that she wasn't mourning for her love but was mourning for he sons' loss. Then she realised she told him, about her sons; about the way she was feeling. He was near enough a stranger now. They hadn't spoke for 6 years! They hadn't spoke for longer than they did speak. Double the time actually, yet it felt right. Crying in to him.

He stopped her and pulled her back to look in to her teary eyes. He said one simple word, "sons?" It made her feel like she'd been punched in the gut, the shocked way he said the word, the hurt, confused look on his face. She couldn't explain, not without crying, so she grabbed the arm of the coat he was wearing and pulled him in to her home, closing the door behind him. She saw him try to take in the look of her house, but before he had time to she pulled him in to the boys room and showed him her to prize possessions.

They were both sleeping. Jake sprawled out on top of his quilts, his hair looking even more curly then usual, and Riley cuddled up to his blankets and teddies, looking like a little angel. She took in a breath and spoke, "these are my children Finn." She pointed towards Riley, "Riley Liam Lighton, he's 2 and a half," I then took another breath and pointed toward Jake, hoping he didn't catch on, "and this is Jake Christopher Lighton, he's just turned 5."

I turned to look at Finn. He had his signature half grin pasted across his face, then he must have caught on because he turned to look at me with wide eyes. "You were pregnant with Jake just under 6 years ago," I nodded, "that's about the time we broke up Rachel. Is he, erm, is he?"

She knew what he was going to ask so she saved him the awkwardness, "yours?" he nodded, "I don't know. He could be, but I also you know, with Joe just after I met him, so it's either yours or Joe's. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you but I thought you were in the army Finn. I thought I'd never see you again." I began crying again as Finn wrapped his arms around and whispered "it's ok," into my ear.

I took him in to the living room, not wanting to wake the boys and have them crying, and we sat on the sofa for hours. The tv played softly in the background but we didn't bother watching, we spoke about the years we had about and caught up with each other. Finn was in training in the army for a couple of weeks until he shot himself in the leg with his gun. Luckily it didn't cause too much damage so it's fine now but he left and worked up the muscle in the leg by playing football. He never thought football would be a career choice after what happened with the scholarship in senior year so he applied to do a teaching course at universities in Lima. Once he finished uni, he moved to New York with Kurt and Blaine and shared an apartment with them for a few months but when he got a permanent job as a music/pe/maths teacher at a local elementary school, he bought his own. The principle at the school told him to try football again and become a part time teacher due to teacher cuts and now that's what he does, thanks to Joe's company.

It was soon 11 o'clock at night and I began falling asleep. I was so worn out it was unbelievable. Finn seemed to understand and offered to go but I wanted to keep talking to him. He told me that it was late and I needed my sleep and promised to see me again. I told him to come round at 12 o'clock the following day as I'll be by myself so he nodded and gave me one last hug before he left the apartment and disappeared from my view.

I locked the doors and went straight to bed and for the first time since we lost Joe, I feel to sleep and didn't wake up all night.

**Disclaimer- I own nothing mentioned in the story**

**Please review&favourite:D**


	3. Something Has Changed Within Me

**Thanks for all the favourites, reviews and follows:D**

**I hope you enjoy!**

Today was a mess!

They cancelled on me. Joe's parents cancelled on me. Something to do with the florist having the wrong flower arrangements for the funeral, which was now 2 days away.

I respected that they had to sort it out. They were already helping me so much and I shouldn't have made arrangements knowing it was an upsetting, busy time for everyone, but I did and now it's backfired in my face.

I was scared for the funeral. I just didn't want to say goodbye properly, but at the moment I had something else on my hands. It was 5 minutes past 12. If Finn was still coming to talk to me, if he was I see he still has the same habits of being late like he used to, I will have my 2 children here with me. My 2 children who are very much awake and hyper.

Jake's in their room; he told me he had to do a surprise painting for me to make me smile, just the thought cheered me up. Riley's running around the main room playing with his toy cars on every surface possible. Finn should be here any minute. He doesn't know we won't be alone. I never got his number so I couldn't text him and had know way to get in contact with him. Hopefully, he'll understand.

I was in the kitchen making ham and cheese sandwiches for the boys when there was a knock on the door.

"Can I get the door, mummy?" I heard Jake shout from his room.

"No, Jakey. Let mummy," I replied, trying to figure out what I could say to Finn whilst hurrying past Riley who still had a type grip on his favourite yellow car but looked up at me with big eyes.

"Play, mama?" he asked, forcing a small red car that was on the floor in to my hand, "brum brum," he then said, making sure I knew he meant play cars.

"Not at the minute baby, mummy needs to get to the door." I tried walking over him to reach the door but he grabbed on to my skirt and let out a loud, high pitched wail letting tears fall down his face. I knew he wasn't actually upset and was just being my demanding, attention seeking 2 year old but I didn't have time to let him cry, I still had to answer the door and explain the situation so I picked him up and shushed him, balancing him on my hip as he clung to my vest top.

I took a breath before opening the door, and when I did, I saw the person I expected to be there. "Finn, hey," I said, acting casual.

"Erm, hey Rach," he replied. I saw him look at Riley who was now not crying and had a huge smile on his face, probably thinking he had a new friend to play cars with.

"Heya," Riley said. For his young age he was really clever and always spoke he felt the need to. He also knew a lot of words and sentences although he mis-pronounced a lot of words.

"Hey little man," Finn said waving at the laughing boy on my hip as he held his hand out to give Finn a high five. Finn responded to his high five and chuckled slightly looking back at me. "I'm sorry," I mouthed and he just shook his head, smiling and silently laughing.

I then invited Finn in and explained why I had the boys at home, he just smiled again, that perfect half smile, and told me it was fine and he'd happily spend the day playing cars and watching toy story.

I set out Riley's toys on the floor with him next to them, immediately forgetting about the guest and playing by himself, then sat down on the sofa next to Finn, alike to the way we sat last night; him on the left hand side, his body twisted slightly so he could look at me and I was on the opposite end, sitting with my legs tucked under my also twisted to see him.

'So, where's Jake?" he asked. That's when I realised he hasn't met my other son yet.

"Oh, he's in his room, painting a picture. I'll go get him now," I replied quickly getting up and running off to Jake and Riley's room, hearing Riley say "mama" from behind.

I went in to the boys' room and it looked like a bomb had hit! Bright paint was everywhere: on the beds, the floor and Jake and most of the clothes he was wearing.

"Jake Christopher Lighton! What have you done!?" I shouted, trying to contain the anger I felt.

"I'm sorry, mummy! All the paint fell and I wanted to clean it before you saw," he responded, clearly upset and sorry. He stood up standing in the only clean spot near him and I saw a paint-submerged sock that he had used to try and scrub of the paint. I sighed leaning over and putting my hands under his armpits, the only part of his shirt not covered in paint, and lifted him. I walked in to the main room, trying to keep him as far away from any furniture and myself as possible and placed him on a towel on the kitchen counter. I turned around and saw Finn, standing and gawping at my paint-covered son with my other son in his arms.

"He tried to follow you," Finn explained, "so I had to pick him up so he didn't."

"It's fine Finn," I replied. "This is Jake, my son, and Jake this is Finn, one of my oldest friends," I said smiling. "I'm sorry Finn, he's not usually red, blue, green and yellow so I'm just going to try and find someway to remove the lovely new arrangement to his looks. Would you mind watching them both a minute?"

"Yeah, sure," he answered, laughing slightly.

I hurried away in to the bathroom to try and find someway to clean my son.

Eventually I found some 'soft but powerful' wipes that I made Joe buy the last time we had a fiasco like this when Jake was 2 and I was heavily pregnant with Riley. I took them out of the bathroom before running to the boys' bedroom and practically leaping over the paint on the floor so I could get some clean clothes out for Jake. The entire bottom of his trousers and near enough the whole of his t-shirt was covered in paint. Quickly, I used the wipes to wipe away the paint from the floor and decide to wash their bedding later. I then walked back in to the kitchen area, through the main room to see Finn standing opposite Jake, still holding Riley and trying to make conversation with them both as all Riley did was giggle and Jake answered occasionally but looked unpleased with his head hanging towards the floor.

"Hey, bud," I said looking at Jake. His head snapped up straight away and he looked at me with a grin. "Look what I found," I carried on, smirking slightly holding up the wipes, "and so you don't have to sit in your lovely but awfully uncomfortable painted clothes." I held up the clothes and he smiled again.

"Mama," I heard Riley say and moved to look at him in Finn's arms.

"Hey, sunshine," I said to him, touching one of his chubby cheeks, "Give me a minute and then I'll see to you, baby," I then looked at Finn ignoring Riley's outstretched arms. "Thank you," I said quietly, "I'll talk to you once I've seen to these two," I carried on, smiling at him. He smirked back.

"Ok," he replied, "come here you," he moved Riley in his arms so he was facing him, "lets play cars and let mummy give Jake the attention he needs."

Riley smiled widely, dimples forming on his cheeks and shouted, "brum brum!" Finn then laughed and hurried away to in front of the sofa out of view to play cars.

I started cleaning up Jake as he looked at me through his thick eyelashes, "who is that, mummy?" he questioned.

"Like I said Jakey, that's my friend, Finn Hudson, I used to sing with him in school," I answered.

"Why is he here, mummy? Is he taking over daddy?"

"No, no he's not baby. I just need a friend my age to talk to again. I used to talk to grown up stuff with daddy so I need some more friends to talk to," I replied.

"What about me mummy? I will talk about grown up stuff with you, like dresses and beer."

"Sweetie, to talk about grown up stuff you need to be a grown up," I chuckled finishing off cleaning him and starting to take of his clothes to change him. "I promise he will never try to take over daddy. Just, give him a chance baby. He's a nice man and a good friend off mine and I bet you'll love him once you get to know him."

"I dunno mummy," he said quickly pausing as I finished changing him. He then looked at me again sadly saying, "I miss daddy."

"I know," I replied, "I do too, but we need to be happy, for him. He'll want you, me and Riley to be happy baby."

"I know," he muttered, sliding off the counter and taking the sandwich I had made before Finn even came and ran off to his room.

"Don't sit on your bed Jake," I shouted after him, "and the floor might be slippy so be careful! And don't use paints!"

"Yup, yup, yup," he shouted back and carried on running.

I then walked in to the main room to see Riley and Finn playing cars.

"Nice game there?" I asked, making my presence known.

"Yep mama, Finn good!" Riley shouted.

"Hm, I know baby," I replied looking up and smiling softly at a smirking Finn. "I'm sorry to ruin the fun, monster, but you need a bum change and a sandwich to eat."

He looked up at me and lay down in the middle of the room. I picked him up, dragged out the change mat from under the sofa and lay him down on it. "Sorry about this," I mumbled to Finn as I pulled out a clean diaper, some baby wipes, talc, cream, and a nappy bag.

"It's fine," he said back. I expected him to awkwardly move or go to the toilet but he still sat on the floor next to me as I cleaned Riley's bum. I heard Riley humming a tune and then Finn started humming it as well, in sync with Riley. I gave him a questioning look, and he smiled. "What?" he asked laughing, "it's from pirates of the Caribbean." Of course this made sense, both boys loved pirates and always watched that film.

"Can we watch it mama!" Riley squealed, wriggling around as I tried to put his clothes back on him. I gave up eventually and put on pirates of the Caribbean, Riley on Finn's lap in his baby grow vest and his dinosaur top, refusing to let me put pants on him as he stuffed his sandwich in to his mouth.

Jake heard the music and emerged from his room, and cuddled up next to me and Finn on the sofa at we watched the film.

It was half four when it had finished. Riley had long since fell asleep, still wrapped up in Finn's arms on his lap, and Jake was yawning and moaning about his tiredness, curled up in Finn's other arm as it wrapped around his body and rested on my knee.

"Come on," I said standing up, "go to my bed with Riley, you both can go to sleep."

"You talking to me or Jake here?" Finn said, smirking.

"Shush you, or you're going home," I threatened, playfully.

"Oh, we wouldn't want that would we?" he said standing up, still holding Riley. "Come on, man, lets get you to bed, ey?" he said to Jake, holding out his free hand. Jake grabbed on to his hand and we walked down the corridor.

"I'm guessing this ones yours? You didn't run in to it before," he questioned, motioning to a door.

"You guessed right," I said, opening it.

Jake ran and leaped on to my bed, snuggling under the quilts as Finn slipped Riley under them. "Have a good sleep, dude," Finn said reaching over to give Jake a hug.

"Will do," Jake answered hugging him back.

"N'Night baby. I'll see you later," I said reaching over to give Jake a kiss and then kissed Riley's cheek. "If you need me, shout."

"Will do" Jake repeated, already adapting Finn's classic smirk after only one day.

Finn and I walked out the room and I sighed. "Oh, you're a bad influence on that boy Finn Hudson."

"What? Why?" He questioned, clearly confused.

"Well, within a day he already has that smirk to a t. I just can't wait for that half smile to come around."

"Oh, that's not my fault miss Rachel Berry," he said, pushing me on to the sofa then sitting next to me.

"Well, I don't need my boys being ladies men like you. There going to be gentlemen," I replied.

"The ladies man who's single eh? Good one," he answered.

"But when was your last relationship, ladies man?" I questioned.

"6 years ago."

His reply was short and swift but meant so much. After all these years, I was his last relationship.

"Lets, erm, watch a film," I said, stunned at his response.

"I agree," he said, still smiling.

We spoke and watched the film until the boys woke up at 6 o'clock. I then cleaned the boys' bedding and Finn ordered us all pizza. We had a pizza night and played a game of cranium: Finn and Riley Vs Me and Jake. It was great although it was mostly just me and Finn playing and Riley and Jake doing the occasional thing as it was hard for them and easy for us.

Finn got up to leave at 9 o'clock, after having tucked the boys in bed with me. They were exhausted having had played with Finn all day and been running around like wild animals.

"Can I come and see you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Erm, no, I'm sorry. I want to see you, don't get me wrong, but I'm having a day with the boys before the erm, the funeral," I responded.

"Oh, that's fine," he answered. "I guess I'll see you at the funeral then. You know, I'll be there for you. At the funeral. Afterwards. Whenever you need me."

I smiled and hugged him. As he went to leave I stopped him and asked for his phone number. He gave it to me before saying one last good bye before leaving and disappearing from my view again.

I text him till I felt like I could finally get to sleep last night.

**I don't own anything mentioned in the story.**

**Please review:-)**


	4. I Never See The Forrest For The Trees

**Sorry this ones shorter than the other chapters, I hope you enjoy...**

I looked around, and realising I was surrounded by more tears than I thought was humanly possible. I wasn't the least bit surprised: Joe was loved by many, but this was overwhelming.

I was stood near the front, right next to Joe's coffin. I had hold of Riley and Jake stood in front, my spare arm touched his shoulder for reassurance. They both looked beautiful wearing matching black trousers, black ties, and white shirts with tiny grey dots over them. I wore a simple, plain black dress and flat shoes with bows on. I had no make-up on. Even if I did decide to put anyway on, I'm sure it would have all washed away by now.

Jake kept looking back at me, his big brown eyes seemed to keep filling up with more tears and I was waiting for the moment they would spill out and I'd have to kneel down to hug him too.

We had a lovely day yesterday. I took them to the cinemas to watch a new Disney film that had recently been released, then to the park and bought them ice cream, next to a huge, new toy shop that had just been opened and bought them a toy each (Jake wanting the new transformer figure and Riley opting for a toy car garage to join his collection), followed by a great Italian meal for tea.

This morning was horrendous. I told them they had to say one more goodbye to daddy and got them ready in their trousers and shirts. Jake cried, practically wailed, all morning and all I could do was hold him and kiss his head. The only comfort he found was clutching on to the teddy Joe had bought him when he was first born- a yellow, floppy bear with blue patches on. Riley didn't understand but kept muttering "dada" and wouldn't let me out of his sight. If I could take all the pain and hurt away from my boys I would do without thinking about it.

Now we stood, next to Joe's parents and my dad's, getting ready to see the man we all loved get buried.

The gravestone was lovely. Joe's parents had picked it out. It was a fancy, curved stone and nearly everyone complimented "how it was beautiful like Joe" or "special like he was."

I didn't really care about the shape of the stone; I was bothered about the words. His parents did the best possible job picking those words out – Joseph Michael Lighton. 25/8/91-12/3/17. A great and much loved son, fiancé, father, friend and person. He will be missed dearly and will always live on in our hearts.

I let out a sob when I read the gravestone.

It was all true. How ever much he irritated me at times, he was a great person and didn't deserve to be dragged away from this world.

He was then buried. We had said our last goodbye to Joe. I tightened my grip on Riley and grabbed Jake's hand, walking away quickly with tears gushing down my face. I heard Jake sobbing too but I couldn't stop walking. I couldn't just stare at the mud that the man I was supposed to marry was too peacefully lay under. I heard my daddy shout me; tell me to come back, that they was there for me but I needed to get away from the mud I walked on, from the saddening graveyard around me.

I ran straight in to the arms of Finn Hudson.

I looked up and looked him in the eye.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, I'm here," he said, enveloping me in to a hug. I let go of my grip on Jake's hand and wrapped my free arm around his shoulders, inviting him in to the embrace, and tucked my face in to Finn's shoulder. We stayed like this for a minute before he let go and scooped Jake up right away.

"Hey bud," Finn said to Jake.

Jake forced out a smile and wrapped his small arms around Finn's neck.

"I know your sad mate, but I've seen the cake in there and it looks pretty good," Finn then carried on, trying to make Jake laugh and being successful.

"I'm gonna get a piece as soon as they cut it, and I can have daddy's extra piece, can't I mum?" Jake replied, a grin forming across his face.

"Hm, sure," I answered, trying to be brave when in reality all I wanted to do was run back to the apartment with Finn and cry in to his arms forever. "Not before I get it," I carried on and started running with Riley still in my arms, giggling his head off. Finn dropped Jake and he chased me, wanting his cake.

I saw Finn take long strides behind Jake. He himself didn't look ok. I could see the red circles around his eyes where he had been crying.

Once I sat down, I made Finn sit with us, hugged him and told him that his acting skills have decreased as I can tell he's not ok. He smirked and pulled away, rubbing the back of his neck then leaning closer and practically whispered in to my ear.

"I just feel like it's my fault. I mean, he went to the meeting about me, and now you're fiancé-less and your children are father-less."

"It's not your fault. He went to the same meeting every week. It just happened that they were talking to you at that meeting," I reassured him. He smiled and tried to look convinced but I knew he wasn't.

He politely sat next to me, entertaining the boys and trying to make sure none of us cried. He always went silent when someone came up to speak to me, even my dads, but he was polite to give soft smiles from next to me.

Then, when still crying people started to leave, so did he. He hugged the boys, got a kiss on the cheek from Jake and sloppy one on the mouth from Riley. He walked over to me and pulled me in to a really tight hug and whispered in to my ear, "I'm glad you going to be ok, Rach. Do it, be ok and rise above this, Joe will want you and the boys to move on. Just be strong enough to do it. I'm proud of you and if you need me, phone me." Then left.

I text him that night and thanked him. He was modest and didn't realise what he did, but if it wasn't for Finn Hudson, I wouldn't have been able to cope today at all. I would have crumbled and cracked but Finn Hudson saved me. Finn Hudson was my saviour once again; like he saved me all those times during high school and even when we weren't together he saved me just by being in my thoughts.

Finn Hudson is and always will be my saviour.

**I don't own anything mentioned in this story**

**Please keep reviewing and favouriting:)**


	5. The World's In Your Pocket

**I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in a while so I made this a bit longer.**

I phoned Finn, like he told me to.

Every night, since the funeral 2 weeks ago, I phoned him. He comforted me, as well as comforting Riley and Jake.

He came round quite a lot the first week after the funeral. He brought take-away a lot, or just food he'd picked up from the shop and insisted to cook, entertaining all of us and just being a new found support for us all.

He was like a trampoline. He let us fall on to him but pushed us right back up, making us feel as happy as we can, supporting us and making our lives more enjoyable. After years of rooting, I'd finally found my own metaphor for Finn Hudson, as well as my high school metaphor for him, which still relates, as my Guardian Angel because he is always there for me and can practically read my mind. So I had two metaphors for him: a trampoline and my Guardian Angel.

It was really nice to see Finn more and for him to actually care about all three of us at this time whilst only meeting Joe once, but after the first week he stopped coming to my apartment.

In fact, I haven't seen him for a week.

I sound pathetic, like a 16 year old, high school Rachel Berry, but I was genuinely concerned. I didn't know if I had done anything wrong to annoy or upset Finn but I knew I missed him.

He still text and phoned me so I don't think I did anything wrong, just not as much as he did.

It made me have to stop moping around and relying on Finn to care for me and my children and instead turn independent once again. I went shopping, cleaned the house from head to toe (finally finishing clearing all of Jake's birthday decorations) and retook control of my sad, lonely life.

Now, I was doing the weekly shopping with Riley and Jake. I'd bought new clothes a few days prior so now wore some new, refreshed clothes, instead of the baggy sweaters, vest tops and leggings I'd been living in for just over a month, and started to care about my hair and make-up once again. A whole new wave of confidence flooded over me that had recently been lost.

I also bought the boys some nice new clothes, making them look more grown up and fashionable. This was partly for the idea I had in my brain, thinking that a refreshed wardrobe would help us refresh our lives and carry on, and because there is an increased chance of running in to a Mr Kurt Hummel now I was closer to Finn, who worked as a fashion designer in Vogue.

That's when I heard his deep, enticing voice.

"So shall I put some fries in the basket or are you making your own?" I heard Finn's voice say from the aisle next to me.

Assuming he was on the phone, I walked to where I heard his voice, wanting to see him again but as I turned on to the aisle I saw the worst thing humanly possible.

Finn was hunched slightly looking over the fridges at the supermarket when a tall, thin blond girl walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle. I didn't see her face as she buried it into Finn's neck and said, "forget the fries, lets just hurry the hell up and get home baby."

I felt physically sick as she pulled him around to face her. All I could see was a loving smirk plastered on Finn's face as the blond, who was about Quinn Fabray's height but even slimmer, moved her head up, used her hand to tilt his head down and pressed a kiss on to his lips.

I wanted to run but I couldn't help but stare.

She kept snaking her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him trying to deepen the kiss. She then started to push herself against him, practically grinding on him in the middle off the shop, but, instead of pulling back, Finn parted his lips slightly allowing her tongue to enter his mouth.

"Finn?"

It was my 5 year old's voice that broke the kiss.

I looked away quickly pretending to be looking at the pizzas close by but then casually turned my head as I heard Jake shout "Finn" again and saw him running down the aisle towards him.

Finn stared at my son, flabbergasted as my innocent child wrapped his arms around Finn's thighs. I saw Finn gulp slightly and scooped up my son as quickly as possible. I heard a high-pitched, sickeningly cute giggle and saw it was the blond. Finn snapped his head towards her and then quickly looked away, almost like he was embarrassed.

"Hey bud," he said to Jake moving slightly and rearranging how he was stood to try and hide it.

"Hey Finn," Jake replied smiling.

"Aw, he's soooo cute Finn. How do you know him?" The blond said. It made me feel even more ill the way she dragged out words and the stupid, annoying way she said 'Finn' made me hate her even if she wasn't kissing the lips of my high school sweetheart and ended up being the nicest person on the planet. Being a major in theatre you could tell she was making herself say it like that.

I glared at her. She was beautiful. How much I hated it, I couldn't deny that fact how she clearly had natural beauty. She had long blond hair, curled slightly at the ends and the front bits pinned back. She had deep, brown eyes that I'm sure any boy would melt in to; they were lined with thin, black eyeliner and her long eyelashes were covered in mascara. She had the perfect, dream sized lips that were glossy through whatever she had put on them and her teeth were in perfect shape and bright white as she smiled longingly at Finn. Her cheeks weren't flat or chubby; you could see her defined cheekbones clearly but she still had a slight enlargement of them, ensuring her smile looked perfect and her dimples were easily seen.

It was clear any man would be lucky to be in a relationship with this pretty, perfect girl that stood beside Finn.

"Oh, this is Jake. He's a friend's son," Finn replied.

I decided to make my presence noticed and grabbed the basket I was pushing with Riley sat in it. "Hey Finn, I see you found Jake," I said, as sweetly as I could.

"Rachel," he answered, "hey. And hey to you little man," he said walking other to Riley ruffling his thick brown hair.

"Hewo Fi," Riley replied, already laughing at the dopey grin Finn was sending towards him.

"This is her other son, Riley, and this is the friend, Rachel," Finn explained, turning to the girl.

"Hi," she said smiling, copying Finn and ruffling Riley's hair. Riley went silent and his grin disappeared as he looked at the woman who stood in front of us, looking almost confused.

"Hi," I answered on behalf of my silent children, "and you are?"

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself. I'm Niomi Bate, Finn's girlfriend," she replied, smiling still.

I couldn't hide the disappointed, sad look that had taken over my face. "Oh well, nice to meet you Niomi, but we better get going," I said, trying to be polite. I walked over to Finn and practically snatched Jake out of his arms.

"Rach," I heard him murmur so that Niomi couldn't hear. I waited a second for him to carry on but he didn't. He just looked me in the eye and sighed. I blinked back tears and I was pretty certain he saw but before I walked away dramatically, I looked over my shoulder and tried to put on my fakest smile.

"Bye," I said as I quickly made it to the nearest check out and paid for whatever I had put in my basket before I had seen Niomi and Finn. Tonight was a take out night. I turned back and saw Finn looking at me guiltily, probably knowing I was know where near finished shopping but I just blinked at him, grabbed my bags and made sure my boys were ok before walking away and hailing a cab to go home.

I'd managed to buy some food for the boys on the way back, asking the cab driver to stop at McDonalds, as I really wanted Chinese but knew they didn't like it. They were really pleased with the chicken nuggets and chips happy meal they got so it was a win-win situation for both of us.

When we got back to the apartment they both complained about how tired they were so before I ordered my food I bathed them and put them to bed.

As I tucked them in Jake kept asking who Niomi was. I kept telling him she was Finn's special friend and he replied with he thought we were Finn's special friends. That made me explain that we were but Niomi was Finn's specialist friend.

It made me laugh really because it sounded like they were making fun of her as instead of saying her name as one word they sounded each syllable out making it sound like they were saying; knee-oh-me.

When I finally got back in to some comfy leggings, a vest top and jumper, settled on the sofa and decided what I wanted from the Chinese, the doorbell rang.

I got up and opened the door to see Finn standing there. He was wearing the same outfit that he had on today; black jeans, a light grey t-shirt and an undone denim shirt over it. He stood with a backpack over one shoulder and carrying a quite large, brown paper bag.

I just stared at him for a minute before trying to close the door in his face, but he stopped it.

"Please let me talk, Rachel," he pleaded.

"Well I keep giving you the chance but you just stare at me like I'm some pathetic, fool Finn!" I replied, keeping my voice quite quiet but saying it in my 'stern mothering tone.'

Once again he just stared at me, so I tried to slam the door again and he caught, just like he had a minute before.

"I've brought food," he innocently said.

"Oh great, bribe me with food, you know."

"I'm not bribing you I just wanted to make sure you ate," he quickly said.

"Get your head out your ass Finn, I'm not going to starve myself because of you but cope when the man I thought I'd love for life died!" I purposely brought Joe in to this, I knew I'd always love him but I brought him in to it so Finn knew how it felt being compared to someone else like he basically did to me today.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I know you didn't finish of your shopping so I just wanted to make sure you'd have something." He looked down at me and said, "It's Chinese," in a nearly playfully like tone.

"Thanks," I said sharply taking the bag from his hand.

"I bought mine too," he said, I looked back at him and raised my eyebrow. "You know, it was a meal deal for two so I saved money buying mine. We could maybe eat and talk?"

"Fine, come in, but expect me to do mostly eating and not really talking," I said in an annoyed tone.

He followed me to the kitchen locking the door behind him as I set out the Chinese on to two plates, already knowing what was bought for me and what was bought for Finn.

He made the drinks and then followed me like a lost puppy as a sat on the sofa and began to eat.

It was silence through eating and was very awkward. Finn tried to make the tension go by adding the occasional comment on "how nice it tasted," but it didn't work.

I set the empty plates down on the side and sat back down in my originally place on the sofa, Finn awkwardly sat on the complete opposite side. I looked at him; a sad, guilty look was on his face. He was trying to be kind and mature, but I was only being childish and horrible to him so I decided to give him what it was he wanted; to talk.

"Why didn't you tell me Finn?" his head snapped towards me, shocked that I had spoke, but he didn't reply. "You know, I thought we were friends that I could trust you and you could trust me but now I just feel like I poured my heart out to you only so you could go home and play house with you pretty, little girlfriend when I sat at home finally feeling like someone genuinely cared about me but actually they probably thought that I was a clingy, pathetic, vulnerable carbon-copy of the same 16 year old girl you used to know but now had know idea who she was. That I had to finally move on and grow up. I told you practically everything that happened within 6 years and trusted you with my entire life story so instead of sitting there like a cowardly, using boy, grow some balls, be a man and explain it. Lets start with, why didn't you tell me?"

I didn't mean to sound to angry but the rage just built up inside me and I couldn't help but spit it out in long sentences.

"I don't know," he said bluntly before pausing. I thought that was it and was ready to slap him as hard as I possibly could but he carried on, "I suppose I didn't know what you wanted from me and I didn't want to tell you to make it out like I assumed you wanted a relationship or to totally friend zone each other. Really, I was a coward. I was too scared to tell you incase I would loose you again, maybe this time forever and I didn't want that. But I like Niomi. I don't love her, I know I don't, but I like her a lot. I don't know if that's just as friends or what but she makes me happy and pleases me if you know what I mean," I stared at him disgustedly and he quickly covered his words.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have to say that," he said, "it's just that, since you I haven't really had a serious relationship. After a few months I just realise they're not what I want so I tell them and usually they're ok with it because it's not like we're emotionally tethered but Kurt went mad at me about a year ago, telling me I need to move on and start to actually try with people and give them chances. That was after I broke up with this girl called Jenny who was really in to fashion and worked with Kurt and gave him the dirties for weeks after we broke up. But then I met Niomi at a mets game and yeah she's gorgeous but she's so much more. I thought I just felt an attraction to her looks and friendship with her but I always assumed that if I felt like that then it was because I was just waiting for you to come back and want a relationship. Then after a few months of me giving her a chance, I found you heartbroken needing a friend. So then I thought maybe it's the other way round: being a friend to you and a boyfriend to someone else. I was just scared to admit it to myself really let alone you."

I'd never heard Finn do a speech that long, but it meant something to him, which really warmed my heart.

"I care about you, Rachel. A hell of a lot, and you're right I'm just a coward and you don't deserve me and I know that so I just need to try and find a girl who's as perfect as you but deserves me as well. And well, maybe Niomi's that person, but I do care about you so much so if you're not happy or anything I'll give up the searching and just life happily with you as my friend and the boys and Kurt and Blaine and all my other friends and family and…"

Before I knew it, I'd dived to the opposite side of the sofa and my lips were attached to Finn's. I moved so I was sat next to him. I pushed my tongue in to his slightly parted mouth and he moaned as he retaliated with his own tongue.

I then pulled back shocked at my actions and started pacing around.

"Rachel," he said as he stood up and grabbed my arm.

"I'm a horrible fiancé! I mean, it's just been over a month and I'm kissing another man who happens to be the only friend I have. I'm being a horrible mom too, just moping around," I said as if I hard word vomit.

"I can say from past experience that you're a great fiancé Rachel. And yeah, we kissed, but he'd want you to be happy if he cared about you. And with the friends bit, come to my apartment on Tuesday; bring the boys if you want. We have a sort of 'New Directions Reunion' every Tuesday and you're invited. Everyone goes and this week it's take out and a bit of alcohol at mine. And I know for a fact you're an amazing mom, Rach. Those boys love you so much," He said, instantly calming me.

He grabbed a piece of paper from the side and scribbled something down. "Here's my address," he spoke, handing me the paper. "Be there at about half 6."

"Um, are you sure? I mean I haven't seen any of them for 6 years Finn, they don't even know about the boys or Joe or my job or…"

This time he cut her of with a kiss.

"I hope I'll see you there," he said as he pulled away and grabbed his bag. "It's just a way of letting you have more friends than me because I can be a bit of an arsehole at times. Bye Rach."

"Bye Finn," I replied.

He headed for the door and opened it. "Niomi's not there, if you was wondering, I never introduced her to them," he said before he left.

"Are you going to? If she's a serious girlfriend you should so she can meet you friends and go…"

"No," he answered with a smirk cutting me off before he left my house with a new cocky attitude he had.

I had 2 days including Tuesday to prepare myself to meet some of the people who I used to be closest to. That would never be enough time.

**I own nothing.**

**Please keep reviewing, favoriting, following:)**


	6. Follow My Lead

**Sorry it took so long. I split this in to two chapters because it was too long:)**

**The next one should be up in a few days.**

I lay watching tv with Finn. We were both sat up with Riley and Jake between us, but when Riley decided to play with his cars in their room whilst Jake watched transformers I moved closer to him. He then heard me yawn and pulled my head on to his lap, toying with my hair. So I'm now lay on my side on the sofa with my head resting on Finn's thighs as he's sat slouched at the end.

"So," I heard him whisper in to my ear, "have you decided about tomorrow?"

I sighed quietly and turned on to my back so I could look up at him. "I don't know, Finn. I mean if I hadn't have seen Mercedes for 6 years then have her crash a tradition with two children, I'd be pretty shocked and just stare all night and probably make her feel extremely uncomfortable."

"Yeah, well that's you. No one's gonna do it, Rach. They'll all fawn over the cuteness of the boys and pet over how sorry they feel about Joe," he replied.

"As if that's any better. I don't want their sympathy."

"Well, you're gonna get it. At least for one night but eventually they'll start treating like a normal human and you'll have more friends. Besides, you're not having my sympathy."

"That's the only reason you're here Finn, to give me sympathy. If it wasn't for that I'm pretty sure you'd be doing 'things' with your plastic girlfriend," I spat out. He calmly chuckled, used to my small digs at Niomi and pulled me over more so I was sat on his lap like a child sat on Santa's lap at Christmas time.

"No, I'm here because I care for you and like you. And even if I wasn't here, I probably wouldn't be with Niomi anyway," he replied.

Since we'd kissed, he told me how he didn't want to hurt her but also didn't want to get too close so just stayed a reasonable distance from her and when he knows whether it's real feelings when he's with Niomi, he'll consider his and her's relationship because he likes her but feels that she doesn't deserve him as he doesn't love her half as much as it seems she loves him. We hadn't kissed since then but I knew we both had a stronger connection to each other now.

I just sighed.

"Go home. You have work tomorrow. Go sleep so you can be the star math, music and sport teacher you are," I replied.

"Kicking me out now?" he answered, chuckling, "You're right. I better go. Hopefully I'll see you at mine tomorrow. Everyone will be there at half 6 but I'll be fashionably late and turn up at about quarter to 7."

"But it's your…" I started but he cut in and finished for me.

"My house, I know, but Kurt has keys and I need to go to this meeting after school and show the principle some of the kid's work. So I'll be there at 6;45ish. Turn up about then if you want me to explain why hidden Rachel Berry made an appearance."

I sighed and smiled slightly, before moving of his lap and pulling him in to an embrace. "Bye Finn," I said in to his shoulder.

"Bye, Rach," he replied, hugging me back.

Then he left.

It was now 3 o'clock and I still had no idea about whether I was going to Finn's apartment tonight. I put it off purposely, just playing with Riley and Jake all day and ignoring the multiple text tones I'd received, probably all of Finn.

I decided this week was my time with the boys.

Next week, I'd be going back to work. I knew I didn't want to work as a teacher anymore, I mean I loved it; I got to work with children who were about Jake's age and try to convince them to love music like Jake, Riley and I do, but I just don't get the buzz of playing tambourines all day and banging on drums. I wanted to do real music, music where I learn and get to sing. If I wasn't a single parent family I'm pretty sure I'd hand in my notice and try out for Broadway again, but I am so sacrifices must be made to ensure my two beautiful sons are happy.

We were colouring on the floor at the moment, as well as singing to the 'Disney' album that softly played in the background.

"Mom, is Finn coming here later?" I heard Jake ask, "He can colour with us. He always chooses me out the best car pictures."

"No Jakey, he isn't," I replied.

"Pleasee, Mom. Finn's fun," he whined.

"What, and I'm not?" I said playfully, leaning over to tickle his sides. He broke in to a fit of laughter, wriggling around like a crazy man.

When I pulled him on to my lap and he finally regained himself, still smiling, he breathed out "you are, but Finn's fun in a cool boy way. I mean, you pretend like you enjoy dinosaurs but I know you're kidding mama," he said, grinning proudly at his come back.

That was when Riley toddled over, his eyes teary again repeating mama to me, not enjoying that fact I was giving Jake more attention again. I pulled him close with my free arm as Jake scrambled of my knee.

"What do you say, Ri. Want to see Finn again?" Jake said to his little brother.

Riley answered by grinning widely, clapping and shouting "Fi, Fi," over and over again.

"Well, Mr Jake if you please to see Finn so much, I did have 3 invitations to join him and some of his friends at his house, what do you say, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, mama, please can we, please?" he replied, practically begging and putting on his puppy dog eyes.

I chuckled, "Well I suppose we can, if you two boys get in the bath for me?"

"Yes mama we will. Riley, if you get in the bath we can see Finn, say yes Riley," Jake said.

"Yah, yah, bwath now Mama. Fi, Mama, Fi," Riley replied standing up and holding out his chubby arms for me to put him in to the bath.

I chuckled again.

Like I said before, I need to sacrifice things to make my boys happy and if sacrificing a quiet night in to a busy, awkward one at Finn's made them happy then so be it.

It was 6:40. We were outside Finn's. I wore a pair of dark denim skinny jeans with a fitted white blouse and some low heels, not knowing what anyone else would wear but wanting to make a good impression.

I dressed Jake in black jeans, with a white polo shirt with blue collar and rims and a grey jumper to cover it, just leaving the collar exposed, with the same colour blue vans. He had a navy blue coat over him.

Riley, who was seated in his trolley packed full of some comfy pyjama type clothes, blankets and other necessities needed when taking to young boys out, had on some beige chino type jeans, a red and white plaid top covered with a comfy, denim fabric-sleeved jacket and a thick grey coat over it. He wore low top, white converse.

I stood outside Finn's apartment block waiting for him for nearly ten minutes, so when he got out of a cab, I could have cried of happiness.

"Rachel, hey, sorry I'm late. The boss wouldn't shut up," he said jogging over to me.

"Finn!" Jake squealed before I could even talk.

"Hey bud," Finn said scooping him up, "looking great Mr. And hey to you little dude," he said ruffling Riley's thick, brown hair. He put down Jake and turned to me. "Hey Rach, you look gorgeous."

"Thanks, not so bad yourself Hudson," I said, trying to cover my blush.

"Oh well take it in while it lasts, it's being exchanged for jeans and a t-shirt the minute I get in," he answered, stepping back and allowing me to look at his black suit trousers, grey shirt and black skinny tie. "Come on then, lets go upstairs, Lady Berry and boys," he joked slightly.

The inside of his apartment building looked beautiful, a lot more expensive and nicer than mine. I just stared until the elevator dinged and we got in. He pressed the number 8, I remembered so I could come by and wouldn't need to ask for his number. He stepped out and waited as I pushed the trolley out. There was an average space hall yet only one door.

"It's a small building height wise, but huge width wise. Only 9 floors, one room a floor, but the room on the 9th comes with mine. So I have a two-storey apartment, well it's technically sold as a three-story because the people who lived here before us bought I small percentage of downstairs so they could fit an average sized master room down there but I don't include it. It's a bomb to keep but I've been quite lucky with my money. It's huge and I haven't even started sorting out and rooming upstairs," he said.

As he opened the door I understood. It was huge. He had a huge tv and a large sofa, a single chair and a snuggle chair. He had a beautifully made and looked after black and white kitchen with a glass table that seats at least 8 on the opposite side of his kitchen. His living room stretched out round the corner where there was another 2 sofas, and several chairs, a big stereo and a slightly smaller but still big tv. This apartment was like a palace compared to mine.

"Hey guys," Finn said coolly, "I have someone I want you guys to see."

"Who is it, Finn? I don't want to loose to Santana Lopez cause you're introducing me to a girl that won't even last two minutes," I heard Kurt Hummel's voice say.

"Whoa, Lady Hummel, I'm beating you anyway," Santana's still wicked voice replied.

"Ladies break it up, I'm going to win your asses anyway so why does it matter between anyone else," Noah Puckerman's confident loud voice said.

"Who do you want us to meet, Finn?" Blaine replied.

"Well it is a girl but we're just friends and you all know her so I just want to reintroduce her. Miss Rachel Berry," he said throwing his arms out towards me.

All off their heads snapped towards my direction. Everyone was there and for once, in front of these people, I felt shy.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't man hands all grown," Santana said, grinning.

"Hey," I said, timidly. I wasn't scared to meet them; I was scared for them to meet my new, unexpected life.

Kurt got up and ran to me throwing his arms around me, "I've missed you babe! You genuinely disappeared of the face of the Earth for these past 6 years," he said smiling.

Everyone else did the same, each hugging me and smiling, some kissing my cheek and I returned the same actions.

"Yeah, I've missed you too princess, but I still need to win this fucking game so sit your asses back down and get playing guys," Noah shouted from the middle of the large floor space.

"Hey, Puckerman, mind with language dude," I heard Finn say.

"Stop being a pansy peach man, we're all adults here," Noah replied.

"Well, apart from the 2 year old and 5 year old who came with Rachel, man," Finn answered.

Noah eyed me up and then looked to Finn, as did everyone else, where he stood with Riley sat on the floor and Jake stood next to him, looking confused.

"Shit, Berry, thought you'd be the last of us to steal some kids," Noah said, obviously ignoring Finn's comment on his language.

"I didn't steal them," I said, pushing away the scared feeling in my gut and being the same out going Rachel I usually am. "These are my two sons; Jake Christopher and Riley Liam."

Jake flashed his smile as Riley giggled slightly when Finn scooped him up. I looked at Finn and hope he would understand what I wanted. He did.

"Hey boys, how about you get away from all these idiots and colour in my room for a bit when mama catches up with her friends? I got you some cool transformer colouring books," he said.

"Ok," Jake said smiling.

"Ya, plie," Riley said, meaning to say yes please.

Finn took them down to his room and returned childless less then 5 minutes later. No one spoke till he returned.

"I know we've only just saw each other again but please explain, Rachel," Kurt said.

I took in a deep breath then started.

"I got pregnant with Jake just after I left school. I was with this man from college, my first friend in New York, Joseph Lighton. He was a great, really attractive and Mr Popular type guy, and supported me. When I found out I was pregnant I explained how it could be his or Finn's yet he didn't mind. He stood by me and we started a real relationship. We got engaged a year after Jake was born but before we got married, I fell pregnant with Riley who is defiantly his. Then, about a month and a half ago, Joe died in a car crash. I was left with two children alone in New York. The night he died, he was going to a meeting with Finn and other managers to sign Finn and never cam home, I met Finn when he came to make sure I was ok after Joe had given him a contact card with the address on," I spoke quickly trying to finish the explanation as quickly as possible.

Kurt embraced me yet again, "Crap, Rachel, I'm so sorry," he said.

Blaine, Tina, Quinn, Mercedes all hugged me then, whispering how sorry they were, and eventually I'm pretty sure everyone was involved in the hug. They all pulled away, most of them looking at the ground.

Sam looked up, his arm hung loosely around Mercedes shoulders. He looked so different yet so the same just like Finn. His hair was shaven at the sides but long on top, he kept running his hand through it to push it backwards, he had a small light beard and was less in shape; he was still slim and musclely but had seemed to be less body obsessed.

Noticing Sam's change made me look at everyone else. They had all changed too.

Mercedes was stood under Sam's arm, she had lost quite a bit of weight, had allowed her hair to become curly again and heavily coated her face with makeup.

Tina had ombre hair and also were makeup but minimal. Mike stood proudly next to her with his arm slithered around her waist, he looked very alike to 18 year old Mike but had changed his hairstyle slightly so his hair was still high but was pushed to the left more.

Santana was sat on the floor leaning back on to the sofa. Her dark hair was a lighter brown colour and she also had her nose pierced and makeup heavily done. She clung on to Brittany's hand that was sat crossed legged on the floor. Her hair was so long it touched the floor but other than that she was the same.

Kurt sat in front of Santana, his quaffed hair longer and neater than ever but even he had changed. His young baby-like face had matured despite there being know facial hair. It also appeared that he had developed some muscle on his arms as he leant back on them. Blaine sat next to him; his hair not neatly scraped back but now practically shaven at the sides and his natural messy, curly hair on top. He also had a small beard growing.

Arty sat in the corner, in his chair. His hair was now short on the sides and had a side parting at the top, the long, floppy top layer of his hair brushing to the side.

Puck stood up, right near me. His mohawk was gone and his hair was shaven at the sides but all the top was about the same length as his previous mohawk. He had on a tight black top that shown of his even bigger muscles and he also had a small beard on his face.

Then pearched on the edge of the sofa near Puck sat Quinn. Her hair was long but pinned back and she looked the same apart from the obvious more mature look she wore.

"That's why you haven't started the football thing man, it's not happening no more," Sam said.

I was relieved he hadn't carried on talking about me and changed the subject towards Finn for the first time in my life.

"No, it's happening, they just had some time away from it. I'm gonna go to training after the summer to see what it's like and see if I'm up for it. If not I'll pull out and go back to school," Finn replied smiling.

"That's good," Mike said.

I was happy they ignored the fact I was practically widowed with two children. As I told Finn, I didn't want their sympathy.

Finn looked at me, asking me questions with his eyes. I understood and nodded.

"Ok guys," Finn said, "I'd like to introduce you to Riley and Jake."

**I own nothing. Hoped you enjoy and keep reviewing, favoriting and following. **

**Much love.**


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